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This Old Crack House

From log house to farmhouse. Farmhouse to townhouse. Townhouse to apartment house. Apartment house to crack house. Crack house to our house. Our house to our home.

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Sunday, July 09, 2006

Answers to Stupid Keyword Searches Linking to my Blog.

So, we are all addicted to sitemeter. At least those of us that use it. I get a real kick out of some of the keyword searches. Lately there have been some real doosies. I need to post the answers here so that people looking can end their search with this blog!

There are always people asking "What does Crack smell like?"
So let me answer; That depends on what crack you wish to penetrate with your proboscis.The aroma could range from anchovies to roses so you might want to be more specific with your search if you want to avoid smart ass comments like this.

"What does a Crack House look like?" That is easy, do about $50,000 worth of interior damage to your house, cancel the utilities and nail some plywood over the first floor windows then run outside and take a picture! That information just cost you $50,000. You could go out and smoke a "rock" and in six months you will have the same result except that you will no longer be employed so the repairs won't be happening and the repair bill will be the responsibility of the person typing " Pictures of a Crack House?"

Then there was "House built of turds" um, people, come on. The title says This Old Crackhouse, not "This Old CRAPhouse". Go shit some bricks and build your own!

"Spanking your Monkey?" alright, someone really has a problem here. Next I'll get hits from "Choking the dolphin" or "Flogging the Lizard". You need to stop watching Jerry Springer and go outside more often.

"Pictures of Pigeons Crapping?" Huh?!!!!! Yeah, I tried this once when a pigeon crapped on my face while trying to get the money shot with the camera. I asked my friend for some toilet paper and he said "but it will be miles away by now."

"What does raccoon poop look like?" Is this a course in high school or something? Why does someone need to know what raccoon poop looks like? They look like little piles of people turds if you really must know.

"Bum Phuck Egypt?" This is where the soPHisticated people get lost. Everyone else gets lost in BFE.

What is REALLY scary though are those people who are finding this site by typing in my name. Makes me wonder who is looking for me. I hope it isn't someone trying to return the ex-wife!


At 7/09/2006 2:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny! Though if I were you, I'd be a little concerned about the pattern of various dookie searches that seem to find your site. ;)

At 7/09/2006 3:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud! I couldn't stop.

At 7/09/2006 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, people sure are fascinated by shit...and I mean, "shit other than house repair shit".
Bizarre. But funny!

At 7/09/2006 4:49 PM, Blogger K.C.'sMommy said...

Hi there, awesome awesome blog!


At 7/09/2006 6:06 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

and I thought the "evil squirrel" and "woman stripping" searches that bring my site up were funny.

At 7/10/2006 12:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arrrgh. I thought it was "This Old Cat House". Sort of a tribute to Ohio's 'painted ladies'.

At 7/10/2006 8:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess I _can_ find an explanation for the raccoon poop story - someone might have mysterious turds in his/her attic and now searches the web to identify whether it's raccoon or not.


At 7/10/2006 12:02 PM, Blogger Bonk at Home said...

So, Google now thinks you’re a Crack addict, smoking pigeon droppings? Sounds like the problem with "My Tivo thinks I'm Gay"

At 7/10/2006 12:47 PM, Blogger K said...

Hee hee. Man, I never get good ones like that. They're always at least vaguely relevant. Maybe I need to start talking about poo more.

At 7/10/2006 9:03 PM, Blogger larryosaurus said...

Those are hilarious! I thought my "what's a wonderwall anyway" searches were strange, but not anymore!
BTW- Great blog!!!


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